Just one word that can evoke the whole range of human emotion - love, hate, peace, conflict, happiness, despair. For many of us, we came to Denmark, along with our new Danish spouses, filled with the hope that this could become our new home, the place where we felt safe and secure and accepted. We came with thoughts of a future where we could find personal fulfillment in our chosen careers and in raising a family. Denmark was the place that would enable us to fulfill these dreams, according to our Danish spouses. We did some research online and in libraries - what we found seem to support this. Denmark was a good place to raise families, find peace and acceptance.
We came here and slowly the bubble burst and reality set in . . .
Denmark was not very accepting of those who are different. Even many of us from 'western' countries found the natives as cold as a Danish winter. Okay, we thought - it will take a little time for them to warm up to us, once we've showed them we don't bite then acceptance would follow. We tried to follow all their customs, tried to learn the unwritten rules in both work and social situations, tried to learn their language (which can be compared to trying to speak while having a mouth full of mashed potatoes and sore throat). Our efforts were met with rudeness, racism and disgust. We couldn't speak danish without an accent, we put the wrong things on our rugbrød, we didn't drink ourselves to insensibility while having 4-hour marathon dinners, some of us even had the wrong hair color. In addition, the government kept making more and more laws restricting immigrant access to the country while the media pointed out that immigrants were the basis of all that was evil. But with an extremely high tax rate and the high cost of living, there's not much left of a salary (if you're lucky enough to find a job) for moving a family back home or even to another country.
So we learn to avoid contact when possible with the natives. Many keep to the expat community for a social life and acceptance. It can be a lonely life but unless one is willing to give up their individuality and to accept the racism and fear prevalent throughout Danish society, it's a way of surviving while one lives in Denmark.
However, one feels sorry for the people of Denmark as to how much they are missing by their non-acceptance of differences. All the different ideas and cultures that could help enrich their lives and country are feared and dismissed. This attitude, more than anything else, will keep Denmark as a provincial backcountry.
And will keep most of us from thinking of this place as home . . .
4 comments:
Couldn't have put it better. I actively avoid Danish gatherings, and have vowed to only go out and entertain with mixed groups, or with expats only.
I am unhappy with the fact that I actively avoid social situations with so called Danes, but I accept that I reached this point after a long period of being my usual enthusiastic friendly self and getting utterly depressed being in Danish company.
It is an absolute MYTH that the Danes are the 'happiest people'. They are, quite simply, not, and mostly with faces like smacked bottoms.
'Provincial backcountry'.
Honestly, I feel that I've landed in the most provincial backwater in the 1970s.
I'm sorry to read this, as I have many happy memories of friendliness and kindness from Danes. I visited regularly from infancy onwards and later lived there for a while. Obviously, it helped that I had well-established friendship with one Danish family (which inevitably leads to more ): acceptance is all.
But that was a long time ago.
Suspect things have changed throughout Europe, tho' - not just DK (I live in France). I abhor racism. But it is a fact that both globalisation and mass immigration have changed all these countries beyond all recognition within past 30 years alone which, given our long history, is a very short time.
DK is a tiny country with historically an unusually homogeneous culture, so very conservative in many ways (however enlightened these ways may be). I do not think you could possibly imagine the effect of sweeping radical change on such a nation - and it's obvious that you can't.
FWIW, as an impoverished Englishwoman, I found people in my native land quick to shun me - the same people who would have been pleased to know me when I had a good job & owned a house in a beautiful place. So experience at home and abroad has taught me to actively avoid Anglophones here in France, as their characteristic mindset is: you are what you own and if you are poor, it's your fault (despite evidence to the contrary, plentiful in my case).
I find people of other nationalities much more friendly & accepting - French, Italian, Moroccan, Lebanese, Armenian, Spanish, German (even the occasional Dane!). But EVERYBODY is tending to become more introverted - fear does that.
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